Star Wars – Episode I – the Tommy Gee Redux (2014)

Welcome to Subhacking™ and the case of the Star Wars prequels. A good story that suffered, I think, because the storyteller simply knew too much. In his head were all the details the average viewer just wouldn’t know.

This fan fix isn’t about editing out JarJar or something unworkable like that. In fact, there’s only one edit in the movie. It’s an experiment to see if I could improve the existing story through the words themselves, with different choices in character motivation, sharper dialogue, more dramatic tension.

So through the magic of the Chinese language soundtrack and rewritten English subtitles, it’s Star Wars– The Phantom Menace– the Tommy Gee Redux. I can’t list all of the changes here, but here are some highlights:

1. The opening title copy is new, now introducing the idea that a great age of peace hangs in the balance, starting the theme of belief, and ending with a zinger that sets the tone for the entire six-film saga.

2. Qui Gon is in more open defiance with the council, and is out on a limb with his beliefs. He calls Yoda “unwise” by his third line, and states the more focused theme of the film to Anakin… “What you believe determines your reality.”

3 The Trade Federation doesn’t know Sidious is a Sith at first. After all, the Sith have been gone for 1,000 years, why give up the element of surprise to these chumps? Which means the whole notion of the Sith gets introduced to the Trade Feds and the audience at the same time – when we meet devil-horned Darth Maul.

4. Jar Jar is transformed from a guy who was banished because he’s clumsy to a somewhat noble guy who believes in the possibility of friendship with outsiders. So much so that he’s branded an outsider and has to run for his life. He is the first one to offer friendship to anyone.

5. Amadala has more attitude now. There’s no real chance at a love interest in the film, since Ani is too young, but we can make her sexy to the audience. Now you know where Leia gets it… She’s giving Qui Gon shit like Leia will later give Han shit… even calling him a cowboy. Her lines to Ani now shows an interest that could spin into love later. By the end, she’s making it happen and calling the shots.

6. Anakin. I took out much of the momma’s boy vibe and made him more of a pilot and prodigy than a kid who “oops-es” his way to victory. He says things Vader might say later. And the space fight scene? He’s moving in for the kill as soon as he’s off of autopilot. His dialogue foreshadows both Luke and Darth Vader as pilots.

7. The Pod Race is now cooler. Remember, this is a death race. So I set it up way early at the Skywalker dinner table by changing “very fast, very dangerous” to “they’re very fast, lawless and dangerous.” And when Ani finally gets his stalled pod going, the line “He’ll have a tough time catching the leaders” becomes “That’s a fast machine, but fast gets you killed out here.” Virtually every line is changed to ramp up the tension.

8. Jabba the Hutt. The dude only has four lines, but I gave him great gangster lines. “Scoundrels, do your worst” cutting straight into the electric arc of the power couplers on a pod racer is wicked. And check out his last line…

9. The whole virgin birth thing. That’s a big leap of faith the Qui Gon is taking. Why should we believe it? His line after Obi-Wan asks what the crazy midi-clorian count means has changed from “I don’t know” to “That nothing is what it seems” and then cuts to a great reaction shot of the mother, who looks like she may be a liar, to Darth Maul’s ship arriving on Tattoine. How do we know he isn’t the father? We don’t.

10. The Jedi Council. They have grown weary of Qui Gon’s quest. Yoda’s line about whether Ani is the chosen one was “Clouded, his future is.” Now it’s aimed at Qui Gon with, “Clouded, your vision is.” And now Mace takes Qui Gon’s two big pieces of information and spits them back into his face. Maybe Qui Gon is deluded by his own beliefs. See how Obi Wan even lays that in front of the setting suns.

11. The midi-clorian thing. So sad that it makes the Force seem like marine biology – in Episode 1. I scrapped the “symbiot circle” idea, and replaced it with something a bit more ethereal and exciting.

12. The Gungans.The only way two technologically advanced societies could exist on the same planet with so little contact is if they choose to. Just better dialogue throughout about this separate but equal mentality having to fall.

13. The chase to the finish. All four conflicts work better now, so the tension between them is sharper. There’s more chance of failure in each, but more hard-fought victory in each, as well.

This project is a fan fiction experiment, intended to exist under fair use. All rights belong to the original owners.
This will be removed from public view at their request.